Um, Miss Remus?
by TheBurntRose
Summary: I sort of got bitten by a plot bunny. Then it got infected. Here it is, folks! Female!Remus Lupin.


Remus woke up; a leg entwined with the soft silk pillow of his professor-level rooms, and yawned fitfully, the sound of his voice not registering with his ears. The mirror yawned, however, a very feminine yawn. 

Remus groaned and shut his eyes at the sound, having a very female voice groan back at him. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair, the tips of it just tickling the small of his back. He stretched again and yawned loudly, his ears shutting down slightly with the power of it. He still heard that damned feminine yawn.

His large amber eyes blinked sleepily and annoyed at the large mirror, and he stared at it, logic breaking through to his sleep-starved brain. The stupid mirror. Remus shook his head at it from the bad imitation of his voice. He didn't sound feminine at all, he thought indignantly, giving it a short glare.

He smoothed back his hair, intent on getting rid of the bed hair he normally had, while he watched the mirror. The stubborn mirror image of a woman, amber-eyed and light auburn-haired, streaked with glittering silver, beautiful actually, followed through with the same movement.

Remus rolled his eyes. The mirror copied him. He suppressed another groan. This was going to be a long day. He lost track of what he had been doing as he stared hard at the image. The eyes were his, almost, maybe with longer and thicker lashes, but essentially his. He grumbled. He was going to murder Sirius for doing this to his mirror, it was a joke on him.

Remus buried his face in his hands suddenly. Sirius…! He called silently, his heart aching for the loss of his friend. He was dead, Remus recalled in a heartbeat, through the veil. He shuddered away from that thought, fighting to remember anything else, just to take his mind off of it.

Oh. He had classes to prepare for today, starting any minute. Remus looked at the large clock hanging on the rich red walls, and froze, rereading the time. He was late, and if he didn't hurry _now_, he was going to be very late, and he didn't want Harry to worry about him.

Harry. That poor kid. He had that slightly haunted look about him, as if he had seen far too much than anyone should have. He worried too much about him. Remus wasn't exactly sure which 'he' he meant. Remus worried, to be sure, which was one of the main reasons the Headmaster had given him back his job, despite numerous complaints from parents. Luckily, depending on the way someone looked at it, many were too scared of Voldemort, and now the Ministry, since it had lied to them about Voldemort's return, to counteract Dumbledore.

The wizarding world had literally flocked to him, and hung on his every word. The end result was that Albus was under so much pressure and attention that he had left Remus to his own devices shortly after Sirius' death. That left Remus with very few people he could talk to, and very little to do, so the job was a blessing. Remus could protect Harry and guide him and just be there for him, as corny as it sounds. Which brought him back to his original point. Harry worried over him, as he did all his friends, but was generally afraid something bad would happen to Remus. Like something had happened to his parents, to Sirius…

Remus stood, blinking sleep from his amber eyes, and promptly fell over, face first into the carpeted floor. He braced himself, grateful for his reflexes as he hit the crimson carpet. He shook his head briefly to clear his sleep-fogged brain, the plush soft against his smooth cheek. 

Shit. Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit. He couldn't let himself be ill, he couldn't worry Harry. Besides, it didn't feel like sickness. It felt extremely unfamiliar, though, even more unfamiliar than taking the Wolfsbane. 

Right. The Wolfsbane. Aconite potion, he recalled. Severus had had a recent breakthrough on it, and needed a volunteer lycanthrope to test it out on. It put the werewolf to sleep (not in the fatal sense) for two days. Which was probably why he was having trouble now. Where on earth was that stupid git? He winced at his own harsh thoughts, knowing the former Death Eater didn't deserve them.

Still, Severus wouldn't have missed the chance to come in and see him while he was weak, and call in Madam Pomfrey if the situation so required. Remus gritted his teeth and pushed himself up, his body feeling lighter around the waist and thicker around the thighs, and the chest. He must have gotten some exercise then, to develop that sort of muscle, he supposed as he pulled himself into a sitting position. 

He nearly fell backwards, set off balance again. His weight was different. Differently situated, perhaps. Remus frowned and looked back at the mirror. Oh yes, the stupid 'reflection' mocked him from there, amber eyes staring into amber eyes. Remus made a face at it and it made a face back, the abruptly female mouth twisted in a grimace.

He stood and walked to the bathroom, his arms braced for balance. He stumbled there, his feet feeling, of all things, elegant. He quickly checked the time and swiped his hand through his hair, frowning as he noticed the mirror in the bathroom reflected a female image as well, a beautiful woman running her hands through her long hair.

"Fine, mock me all you want," he muttered, the sound coming out high-pitched and… female. Great. Now someone had stuck a voice change hex in his room. At least it would wear off in the halls. He dressed himself quickly, not focusing properly as he pulled on his brown slacks and a dark green shirt. They quickly adjusted themselves to hang on him the best, a present from Harry for Remus' birthday, a couple of months ago.

He pulled on a dark brown cloak, and attached it to his collar. He headed to the door, already adjusted to the new balance. Occasionally happened when he had been sick or asleep for long periods of time, and he didn't eat. Assuming he had slept through the last full moon, the weekend, due to that 'experimental potion', then this should be normal.

Remus shrugged it off, his logical mind quickly coming up with rational explanations, as he headed down the stairs to the hall, and towards his Defence classroom.

There were a couple students in the hallway, and there was only one incident. A girl slanted a look at him and he sighed heavily, his footsteps moving to a faster rhythm as he tried unobtrusively to get away from his little fan club. The girl's eyes widened and she gasped, pointing at him and giggling to her friends, who looked stunned by his appearance.

Remus ignored them, and strode off to his classroom. He swept his cloak back and strode in, resolving to find Severus after class. Remus entered the classroom, and set his books on the desk, ignoring an outbreak of gasps and whispers that accompanied his entrance.

Someone whistled loudly and he looked up as another voice called out, "Looking hot! What's your name, sweet thing?"

Remus blinked slowly at the person in question, Seamus. "What?" he whispered in incredulity. "Mr. Finnigan, are you speaking to me?" he inquired curiously. The voice came out feminine.

The boy seemed shocked to find that Remus knew his name. The class sat, stunned. Harry blinked at him, shell-shocked. He managed a whisper, "Professor Lupin…?"

Remus nodded slowly, unsure of what was going on.

Hermione Granger looked at him, her mouth unbecomingly open. She shut it perfunctorily and pointed to a mirror, one they had used for spell reflections. "Perhaps you should take a look, Professor." The class exchanged looks and nodded to him.

Remus frowned and walked over to the mirror, humouring them. "All right, Ms. Granger, but I don't see the point…" He cut off as he caught sight of his reflection. The same reflection that had been following him all morning.

A woman stared back at him, her full mouth slightly open in incredulity.

Remus shrieked. Loud, and high-pitched, unfortunately. He [she?] looked at the class in panic. "I'll be right back," he squeaked and all but ran out of the room.

The class burst into hysterical laughter behind him as Remus shot down the hall, his long hair streaming behind him. He headed down a set of stairs, through a courtyard, passages that only he, Harry, Ron, Hermione and the twins knew of, and found himself outside of Severus' dungeon.

His fault. It was all that bloody Slytherin bastard's fault. Remus knocked on the door and tried to compose himself a little, pushing his wind-swept locks behind his shoulder irritably and trying to regulate his breathing. He was going to _murder _Severus for this.

The door opened to reveal Colin Creevey, whose eyes were rounder than Remus dreamed possible. Not that he had, of course. Dreamed of Creevey, that is. He glared at the boy, who stuttered an apology.

"Get Severus out here now," he said, gritting his teeth so that he could resist the urge to storm in there himself and drag the Professor out by his ear. Or beat him senseless. Not that he wasn't extremely tempted to, but he would spare the students a view of the new features, thank you very much.

Colin disappeared into the dingy dungeon and the heavy door slammed shut, making him flinch.

Remus crossed his arms and breathed, trying to be patient as he waited for the drawling Potions Master. 

The heavy door swung open to reveal the renowned Potions professor, who was apparently and completely stunned to see a woman at his classroom door, looking for him.

His dark obsidian eyes traveled up and down Remus' body appreciatively. Fury clouded Remus' mind. "My," Severus drawled, "what can I do for you?"

Right. Play along then. "Severus…" Remus asked seductively, a fake smile hovering on his lips, "What the fuck was in that potion?" he yelled. Oh. Remus was almost remorseful. Shouldn't have done that. This is what comes from reading Sirius' journal. Oh well, Severus still deserved that little nasty shock to get that stick out his 'ahem' arse.

Severus looked like he was about to collapse. "Lupin?" he whispered hoarsely, his face even paler than usual with shock. Remus' temper, usually very dormant, was back full force. Anger made him snap out his words.

"Yes, Snape, it's me. Reverse it, now, before I hang you by your fucking neck." The last moon hadn't helped matters much either.

Severus snapped back into his usual composed self. He appeared too shocked for words, but at least he had managed to control his facial expressions.

"I'm waiting, Severus. Fix it. Now."

Severus shook his head, trying to drag his eyes away from the very beautiful woman standing in front of him angrily, and failed. "I- I have no clue. It didn't demonstrate any _physical repercussions_ such as this on the tests, but- I assure you, I do not know… miss."

Remus struggled to control his temper. "Tell me," he growled angrily. "You can't _not_ know. You made it, you know the ingredients." He waited, his intense eyes focused on Severus.

Severus nodded, his black eyes averted from Remus's, temporarily. "Yes, but this is completely new, it has no precedents. I have no idea what this is."

Remus shook his head, long tendrils of hair sweeping back and forth. "Not good enough. You have to fix it." He sighed heavily, suddenly feeling tired and old. He rubbed at his temples lightly. "What exactly happened on the weekend?"

Severus looked at him. "I was sick, you Changed." He shrugged. Remus stared at him in wonder. Was he blushing?

"Into what, is the question," Remus continued in the pause.

Severus looked at him, a smirk hovering on his lips. "I should think that should be fairly obvious… _Remus_."

Remus nearly gagged at the tone of voice Severus was using. Was he… flirting? Remus shuddered a little. That decided it. Severus was going to die a really very painful death. Later. When this was fixed, and especially when he least expected it. And he really did have some very good ideas from Sirius' journal. Sirius was undoubtedly creative, if nothing else.

Remus turned away in slight disgust, and immediately decided to go and find another teacher. Someone who maybe could do something besides gawk.

Unfortunately, extremely unfortunately, he was wrong. Remus had not considered the fact that Flitwick liked women with long hair. Or the fact that Sybil was more 'different' than people guessed. Or that Hagrid liked non-giant women as well; from the way he kept staring and stuttering. Or that the other professors all liked to gossip, and beautiful women as the subject of them.

Minerva had even offered to go through the basics of feminine hygiene with him. Remus declined politely, but was still being pelted with owls from her containing magazines and coming-of-age books. Merlin, and then Severus took the day off of class to go and follow him around the school to try and figure out what went wrong, ignoring Remus's pointed comments that maybe the library was a better place to look for information than his arse. Severus called it professional supervision. Remus called it… well, a few other things that would have offended even the toughest of students, if he had voiced them.

Remus sighed as he finally entered the Hospital Wing. This was not going to be fun. He hated it here; too many times he had been forced to spend his youth and time. He glared at Pomfrey as he walked in, closely followed by an equally annoyed Severus. Pomfrey immediately took five steps back from the two of them, decided inventory was better than being between two severely annoyed teachers, and disappeared into her office.

Remus made his way over to the bed, and sat, leaning back to rest on the pillows of the cot. He was feeling sick, from stress and shock and everything. An owl smacked Severus in the head, carrying a pack of tampons.

Remus went a bright red as Severus silently, with the air of holding a lot of anger in, disentangled the owl from his oily hair, and passed the pack to Remus. Remus muttered a 'thank you' and slid it under his cot, blushing.

He turned back to find Severus staring at him, or rather glaring. Remus rubbed at a temple, and motioned to the bed across from him. "You could sit, you know."

"I suppose I could, Lupin, if there was a point to it."

"You're thirty-seven. Shut up and sit down," Remus said, mildly for all his words.

Severus gave him a death-glare and only straightened up taller. Both of them waited for the other to say something, until Remus lay back against his pillows to regard Severus quietly.

"Why are you here?" Not to ogle me, please.

"That should be fairly obvious." To ogle you, you idiot. "You're a female, I suppose, now?"

Remus smiled faintly. "So I noticed."

"Completely?"

Remus was a pink colour by now. He glanced down at his pale hands, and muttered, "Yes." He had checked.

Severus nodded to himself, as if reassuring himself of the answer. "Yes. And is there any pain? No lasting effects?"

"Besides this, you mean? No, I'm fine. I don't remember the weekend, though. Don't bother asking."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "That makes two of us. Nothing, Lupin?"

Remus glanced up at him, to see if he was mocking him. "Nothing," he said quietly.

"I see. Can't imagine it was a large difference all in all, Lupin."

Remus's amber eyes suddenly turned from embarrassed to menacing. Severus caught them for a moment, and Remus was suddenly struck at how handsome the man in front of him looked.

Severus coughed. "Lupin?"

Remus glanced away, embarrassed. "Yes?"

Severus hesitated. "Are… Are you feeling warm?"

Remus laughed a little, and Severus glared. "Now that you mention it… No."


End file.
